I'll Make You Remember Me
by nakiko
Summary: Poor Nida,he's had his heart set on Squall for what seems like forever....will he pluck up the courage to confess his feelings or will his love stay hidden? *Plz R&R*


I'll Make You Remember Me:   
By Nakiko/Princess Ayeka(pseudonym)  
  
This is my entry for Flowergirl86200's fic competition.I'm so glad ff.net's back up I decided to post it as a treat for you guys!! (I hope y'all like it) This is set outside the game timeline. ^_^  
luv Nakiko  
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I recognise those sounds immediately,subconscious flickerings of something   
inside my stomach.The soft creak of worn-in leather,the rhythmic metallic noise   
as a gunblade bounces against the polished buckles of his raven-wing trousers.  
  
And when he enters,the fire grows,welling up inside me....things I've never been able to express and probably never will,passing through my mind,cruel reminders that he doesn't even know my name.  
  
His body speaks volumes.Barely controlled power,the spark of rage quelled only by intense discipline......so unlike myself.....so.....  
  
He's perfect.I know it's a clique,but I don't think I've ever seen someone so striking.His hair is glossy hazelnut and every strand frames his pale,delicate features....and those eyes...a deep,vivid shade of violet.....I could drown in those eyes.....  
  
You'd think I was a love-sick schoolgirl,but if what I feel for him is true,then I'm a terminal case.  
  
I watch silently as he stalks to his seat,sitting gracefully,shooting the scarred blonde two rows forward a facetious grin.  
  
I wonder,the first pin pricks of doubt nagging at the back of my mind....are they together? Did he spend last night alone or were the sheets next to him warmed by one of the others.....  
  
Zell? He always used to treat the spunky martial artist with nothing but contempt.....  
  
Irvine? I almost laugh at that one,him and Selphie are practically joined at the hip....  
  
Seifer?....now that I can imagine,it often seems to an......outsider like me that they protest to much,the insults and fights have appeared so forced......  
  
With a tiny shake of my head,I dismiss musings like those,they only lead to depression.....an unquenched thirst for his company.....but then why would Squall Leonhart ever want to be near a nobody like me?  
  
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Squall ran a leather clad hand through his praline hair,smoothing it back almost unconsciously.The computer screen before him hummed in the humid, Summer air,words and pictures scrolling by unnoticed.  
  
........The dark haired boy was staring at him again.....he could feel the itching burn of scrutinising eyes on the back of his alabaster neck,boring a small,insistent hole into his skin.  
  
He wanted to turn round,ask 'WHAT?' and savour the boy's flustered reaction.It wasn't as if he was a spiteful person,but the year he'd been having,being   
anti-social had become a right,rather than the elusive privilege of the past.  
  
....It was unbearable,this wasn't the first time either,Squall gritted his teeth and tried to concentrate on the lesson.  
  
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(Around Midnight,The dorms)  
  
I'm not a very noticeable person,I'll be the first to admit...I've tried,but making friends isn't as easy as people lead you to believe.I'm so forgettable.  
  
I spend most of my time alone,not that I don't like my own company,but it can be so.....isolating,the hours that stretch by and no one to spend them with.  
  
Of course,I know who I'd like to be spending the days.....the nights with,and exactly what we'd be doing.....It feels dirty,but I daydream about it all the time......  
  
I don't just want him for that.....but I feel in some recess of my heart that I might   
be alone forever.....its probably paranoia talking,but....  
  
And as I lie awake...I can't help but imagine what it would be like....if the one I   
love only knew my name.  
  
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(The next day)  
  
Squall leant back in his chair and smiled,his eyes peppered with mischief, "And then I left him there,I've never seen someone hammer on a door so hard,I thought he was gonna break it down!" The table erupted into a chorus of laughter.Irvine nearly spat out his mouthful of fruit juice, "So....you're saying,that you locked Seifer in the showers all night????" Quistis shook her head,her cheeks blotted   
with crimson, ".....Naked....Squall......" She gave him a scolding look that dissolved into an approving smile under the weight of his gaze.  
  
Zell was sat next to him,pounding the table top with his fist,an empty plate of hotdog wrappers and cartons strewn infront of the spike-haired blonde,he gasped,desperate to stop laughing,before it began to hurt, "Squall you bastard!"   
He grinned.Squall smirked,meeting his azure eyes evenly,he suddenly grabbed hold of the lapels of Zell's jacket,reeling him in for a lip-crushing kiss,that left them both breathless.Squall chuckled as wolf-whistles and clapping rang around the cafeteria, "But you still luv me right?" He asked Zell teasingly.Zell smiled and punched his arm slightly, "Crap kiss,Mr.Leonhart." He joked lightly.  
  
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I barely believe how brazen he is sometimes.How willing to stretch the   
acceptance of the others for his personality and sexuality.How can he give his kisses so freely? It pains me,standing by without a word while he does that to Zell....I say a silent prayer,I don't think I could bear the thought of them together,sharing what I've begged for every night......every time I catch his eyes,  
or see his perfect face.....  
  
I eat,not tasting the food at all.The table is in a secluded spot,partially hidden in the corner,away from the bustle and noise of the cafeteria,nearly as far removed   
as I feel myself.  
  
It's troubling,it hurts,to be so painfully aware that Squall is completely oblivious to my existence.We graduated together and I hoped,a fragile dream that it would make him notice me.......but when we met again,he had forgotten me....I said I was   
a shadow......especially to someone like him.....   
  
Don't get me wrong,I'm not stalking him or anything,it's just hard not to be transfixed by his beauty.....that unchecked spirit that draws me like a moth to a flame...  
  
He's leaving now,and I wonder if maybe the next time we meet I could do something to make him remember me.....?  
  
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(Three days later)  
  
The intercom echoed through the halls of Balamb Garden,reaching Squall's ears under the sheets of his bed.He groaned and tried to prise Zell's death grip from his waist.   
  
"Zelly?.....Wake up."   
  
The martial artist mumbled something under his breath,arms tightening around Squall's angular hips.Squall rolled his eyes and lowered his head,his bangs brushing Zell's tanned cheeks as he nibbled at his full lower lip,slipping his arms around Zell's neck.  
  
"Mmph....?" Zell's eyes fluttered open and a smile blossomed onto his lips.  
  
"Morning." He punctuated his greeting with a forceful,tingling kiss,that sent shivers shooting down Squall's spine.  
  
Squall broke away,frowning slightly, "I have to go.....another mission probably."  
He muttered wearily,pushing back the bedclothes.  
  
Zell's shoulders fell, "And here I was thinking how nice it'd be to spend the weekend together..." He sighed.  
  
Squall shrugged,a flicker of regret in his eyes,he turned away,averting his gaze   
for a second, "I promise I'll come back soon." His words held an emotion rarely expressed by the frequently sullen teen.  
  
Zell wrapped his arms across Squall's shoulders,pulling him closer, "You'd better.......I can't cook my own meals." Squall's mood broke and he grinned,a sudden flush of scarlet rising to his cheeks, "Useless baka...." He retorted,giving Zell one last kiss before standing to get dressed and face the day.  
  
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(An hour later)   
  
I can't stand this,I never realised how bold I used to be....finding my words so easily,you wouldn't think I even gave Squall a second glance....  
  
We're standing so close,it makes my heart threaten to burst from my chest at any second....I must sound like I've completely lost it,but no one.....no one except him can do this to me,render me so completely useless.....devoured by my lust....  
  
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"Nida?" Quistis waved her hands infront of the almost catatonic SeeD,worry evident on her pale face. He looked up,eyes half closed in daydream,spiky,  
chestnut bangs partially obscuring his face,suddenly shaking his head to clear   
the fog of reverie that had descended like a thick blanket to blot out the concerns of the outside world.  
  
".....huh? I mean sorry Quistis,you were saying....um.....sorry......" He bit his lip embarrasedly,staring at his boots.  
  
Quistis smiled sympathetically, "To recap; This is a training exercise in preparation for half-yearly evaluation of SeeD rank.You will be flown out to the island closest to hell,dropped off in pairs and will follow a pre determined route across the island to pick up a personalised marker,you will have only two hours   
to retrieve the marker and return it to the Ragnarok.There will also be monsters loose on the island so be careful."  
  
She studied a long ream of computer printout and smiled,a wicked tinge to her eyes, "The pairs are as follows, Tilmitt and Kinneas,  
  
Selphie slipped her hand unsubtely over to meet Irvine's and grinned at him maniacally.  
  
Almasy and Leonhart.  
  
Squall's jaw dropped and he gaped at Quistis in disbelief, "But-I can't-"   
Seifer's eyes lit up....  
  
Dincht and Okara.  
  
Nida watched silently as Zell shot Squall a tiny,pained look.....Squall sighed and returned his eyes to the floor.....  
  
Quistis dismissed them,the only ones in the room displaying any modicum of happiness were Seifer,who was rubbing his hands with glee and the giggling pair of Selphie and her Galbadian cowboy.  
  
Nida's shoulders slumped as he walked quickly to the lift,eyes downcast and spirit torn....  
  
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It's funny how the world can seem so sweet one moment and so empty the next...  
  
I woke up with a new determination today,the drive restored to my heart.I was going to make Squall Leonhart notice me if it killed me....  
  
But this normal Balamb morning brought something much worse than death,  
much more painful than any blow,any drawing of my blood could cause.....   
  
My fragile dream is gone,blown away in so many summer breezes....I know now.That look,that glimmer of disappointment in their eyes,that echoes the one I see in the mirror every night,full of rejection....of longing......  
  
Zell and Squall....my greatest fear has been recognised....  
  
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As Zell hopped and bounced along the rough dirt track,his enthusiasm restored by the challenge of beating Squall and Seifer back to the Ragnarok,Nida wearily trudged behind him,gaze locked to the stony path at his feet,body drained of anything,but aching hollowness.  
  
Zell turned back,realising suddenly that Nida hadn't said a word since they were dropped off on the far side of the forest filled island.  
  
"Nida?" He slowed to meet the dark-haired boy.  
  
"........." He appeared distant,lost in a different trail of thought.  
  
Zell patted his shoulder,his apprehension growing.Nida was usually talkative and pleasant in at least a benign way.  
  
"Yo! Okara??" He tried loudly.  
  
Nida looked up,spearing him with a glacial look through his long bangs, "What?"   
  
Zell almost backed away,catching himself and pulling Nida to a halt on the track,   
  
"Are you alright? You're not sick or anything?" He stared at Nida,annoyingly concerned.Nida's eyes hardened,like the overcast sky above, "Leave me alone." He growled and stormed off round the next bend.  
  
Zell stood,scratching the back of his neck in consternation.Nida had never,in all the years of their friendship.......acquaintance,raised his voice or so much as frowned at Zell.....at anyone....it made no sense....  
  
"ZELL???!?!"   
  
The scream caught the martial artist off guard,shattering his ponderings like a mirror.He sprinted round the corner,skidding to a halt,scrambling back at the sight before him....  
  
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"Aah.....S-squall....Help me!?" Nida gasped,fingering the scarlet blossom that had erupted from his chest in disbelief.He sank to the ground and lay still....  
  
"Fuckin' hell....NIDA??" Zell rushed the Marlboro,striking it with a series of lightening kicks to what he assumed was the head.He flipped backwards,landing in a crouch a few meters from the writhing plant.Zell dug his heels into the soft earth and pushed his wrists out to cast Ultima,the only spell that had a chance of disposing with the demon seed before it had another chance to attack.....  
  
The rainbow colours assaulted Zell's senses,he staggered,watching as the plant whiplashed around in agony,consumed by the powerful incantation.It slumped forward,withering slowly,its ashen husk blowing away on the light breeze...  
  
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"Nida?"  
  
Someone's holding me.That touch,so distant to my numbing skin....I wish one last time that it was Squall....just once I want to feel him next to me,the graze of his lips against mine....but I can feel myself ebbing,bleeding silently dry,the life slipping from my grasp like sand on the sea breeze.....  
  
"Nida.....oh god....please don't die......" Zell's voice is overwhelmed,the hyperactive blonde staring down at me,desperately clinging to my aching body,face streaked with tears of regret....tears of pity shed for us both......  
  
I smile,my first and last concession to a happiness I can't feel.....  
  
"Just...tell Squall,tell him how you know I feel....the love that's in my heart....I need him to know.....please....Z-zell.."  
  
He's sobbing now....I reach up,cupping his cheek with my hand,wiping the bitter moisture from his cheeks.I can see it in his eyes.....he understands finally.....the secret I've lived with,the torture I've gone though...it's all worth it because eventhough I'll be gone Squall will know.....he'll remember me.....  
  
"I promise...." Zell chokes,clutching me tightly,the scarlet spreading to blemish his clothes,his paled skin.  
  
I sigh,the world growing so dim,the light draining from the sky as I stare up to the plump,grey edged clouds,the wind teasing my hair,licking my skin.....I close my eyes...a final word forming on my lips,  
  
"Thankyou...."  
  
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Zell walked down the ramp of the Ragnarok,pulling the blanket closer to his quaking shoulders,as he was led by Quistis gently back towards Garden.  
Squall came crashing through the doors,his eyes full of fear.He skidded to a halt and watched Quistis back away,moving to deal with the other shell shocked cadets,taking charge eventhough she could barely function herself.  
  
"Zell??" Squall studied his lover intently,hands grabbing Zell's arms,forcing him back to reality.He looked up at Squall and the tears ran freshly,any restored control deserting him instantly.  
  
"What happened? ......I heard someone was killed...." Squall asked softly,coaxing Zell to enlighten him,as he pulled the martial artist close,wrapping his arms round him protectively.  
  
Zell swallowed thickly,his words low and hoarse with guilt, "Nida's dead.....Squall he was in love with you.....he died for you....."   
  
Squall pushed Zell back,staring into his eyes,a frown creasing his forehead in confusion,   
  
"Who?"   
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PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW THIS!!!!  
If you read my latest diary entry you'll see why I NEED reviews......  
luv Nakiko  
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